Tuesday, June 23, 2009

*Blood Lust Images

One of the particular things that I find hard to bear about being a vampire is the images that accompany Blood Lust (BL). Yesterday I was in the throws of a particularly bad bout of BL and these images floated into my mind, unbidden. They were of loved ones in horrible situations. I will not go into the details, but each one was in a near death state. I'm sorry to say that my first real reaction was something like, "yum..." but then that was quickly followed with, "Oh my God! What is wrong with me!?"

Last night at around 1-ish, I had myself a good long cry. I cried for my loved ones' images and for my own humanity.

Before I was awakened I had always known that I was different from everyone else around me... and, still laboring under the delusion that one can actually be 'turned' into a vampire, I wanted to become one. Now, after actually finding out that I am indeed a sanguarian vampire, I wonder daily why I ever wanted to become this.

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